i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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