I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
