He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
