Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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