She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
