My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
