I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
