It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
