1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
