Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize