I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
