remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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