Dual....:-)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
