i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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