K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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