I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
