Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
