i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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