i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
