whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
