I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Green mimosas i think yes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
