Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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