Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
