my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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