Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My bed smells like the plague
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
