It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
