There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
