On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't turn off my feet"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
