I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
