i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
