1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
