i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
