I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize