toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
