He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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