mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
