are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
