she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
