i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I could fuck to npr.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
