Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
