I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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