When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize