You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
