So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
