I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
