I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
