I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
