he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
