I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
