and she was petting her beer can
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
