U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
