Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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