She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
