I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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