So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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