I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
