Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
