Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
