Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My vagina is officially offended.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
