i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
