just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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