i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
